One of my favorite books when I was a kid was this primarily illustrated little tome titled Fortunately by Remy Charlip. Fortunately was the story of average guy Ned, who gets invited to a party and encounters a series of fortunes/misfortunes along the way, probably designed to teach kids about the importance of positive thinking during sh!tty situations; you win some, you lose some. For example: “Fortunately, Ned was invited to a surprise party. Unfortunately, the party was a thousand miles away. Fortunately, a friend loaned Ned an airplane. Unfortunately, the motor exploded. Fortunately, there was a parachute in the airplane. Unfortunately, there was a hole in the parachute.” You get the idea.


The NHL off season reminds me very much of this book. I find myself saying “oh good, so and so signed here” or “oh damn, I can’t believe blah blah signed there”. Everyday brings an equal amount of good news and bad news. And this is purely my opinion, as I am sure someone out there is hitting the roof about Mr. Blah Blah signing There.


So I decided to create my own Fortunately/Unfortunately account of the NHL off season so far. An NHL-ode to Remy Charlip if you will. In no particular order, here we go:


Fortunately the Pittsburgh Penguins were able to hold on to Evgeni Malkin.


Unfortunately they lost Marian Hossa to the Detroit Red Wings. Come on, save some big names for the rest of us.


Fortunately the Wings were smart enough to hold onto D-man extraordinaire Brad Stuart and signed him to a 4 year contract. He puts the “D” in “Detroit”.


Unfortunately the Toronto Maple Leafs put Kyle Wellwood on waivers, apparently trying to establish the fact that he’s worth less than a bag of pucks. Attention GMs: Blue light special clearance in the Toronto Maple Leaf player aisle.


Fortunately it took just enough time for Fletch to say the “wai” in “waivers” for Welly to get snapped up by the Leafs’ West Coast rival Vancouver Canucks. An empty-netter of an acquisition.


Unfortunately the Canucks lost long time ‘Nuck and Captain, Markus Naslund to the New York Rangers who lost the beloved Jaromir Jagr to Russia. We did kind of jack Evgeni Malkin from them, so I guess it’s a fair trade off.


Fortunately the ‘Nucks also signed Steve Bernier to add a little “O” to their game. Fortunately for Bernie, the organization met his salary demands. Diva, Shmiva.


Unfortunately the Toronto Maple Leafs felt the need to “refinance” and kicked warrior Darcy Tucker to the curb by buying out his contract.


Fortunately he signed with the Colorado Avalanche, who are tops on my list after dropping Jose Theodore like a puck on opening night.


Unfortunately the Avs also signed Andrew Raycroft, who by some miracle is still kicking it in the NHL. The Avs needed The Great Wall of Raycroft like they needed a bullet to the brain. Umm… why are we not grooming Tyler Weiman for the back-up spot? Give the kid a chance.


Fortunately last season’s D students, Tampa Bay Lightning and Chicago Blackhawks have beefed up their rosters significantly.


Unfortunately the Los Angeles Kings seem to have pulled an all-nighter on Draft Day and slept through Free Agency season. Where are you LA? Starting from the bottom up, see you in the playoffs in a decade.


Fortunately the Calgary Flames re-signed the bulk of their talent, honorable mention going to Craig Conroy and Jim Vandermeer.


Unfortunately the Flames signed Todd Bertuzzi to a one-year. Jokes. Try following that one with a “fortunately”.


Fortunately fellow public-enemy-number-one Sean Avery signed with a team I already dislike. Hate the player, not the game?


Unfortunately the San Jose Sharks decided to tweak an already successful roster by adding a few decent old guys and dropping a few good young guns. Minus one Brian Campbell, plus one Rob Blake. Why fix what ain’t broke?


Fortunately former-almost-All Star Rory Fitzpatrick was able to keep his career alive by signing with yet another new team. I say go for it Rory, be the first guy in history to play for every NHL franchise in a single lifetime. Gotta pay those bills, lifer.


Unfortunately Miroslav Satan has still not signed with the New Jersey Devils. We are all waiting for the day.


Fortunately the off-season has been almost more intriguing than the actual season, and is definitely not over yet.


Unfortunately this blog is.






Fortunately I’ll probably have some more good news/bad news before training camp rolls around. Until then, enjoy brushing up on the new rosters. Phonetic spellings of new players’ names are key, real fans don’t mispronounce anything.


Word.