It occurred to me today that I’ve been on vacation far too long. A little over a month since the final game of the season and I’m going through hockey withdrawals. No joke, I almost flipped a U-ie when I saw a 10-year old kid walking down the streets of Kihei, Hawaii with his Shaved Ice cone wearing an Edmonton Oilers t-shirt. Oh how I was dying to talk hockey over a couple orange and blue flavored Shaved Ice cones with a 5th grader, the two of us the only hockey fans on the island.


While I was surfing and tossing back Longboard Lagers and Mahi tacos in the middle of the Pacific, 6 hours away the worst break up in history was taking place. Bigger than Jenn and Brad, much bigger than Nick and Jessica. Not that anyone was really surprised; every cynic in North America wanted to be right about this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you told me so, you called it, you put the “ESP” in ESPN. Up until 6 AM on June 25th, 2008.. I beLEAFed. I beLEAFed in the Blue and White. I beLEAFed in the team, the system, the fans, even the management; the whole shebang. I beLEAFed so deeply that I invented the phrase “Don’t stop beLEAFin’”. I defended every ridiculously stupid move made, every mishap, every sheepish post-game quote taken out of context. I kept the faith. One bought-out contract later and my hopes and dreams were smashed. Like the day I learned there was no Santa Claus, and when I found out there was no such thing as that chemical you put in your pool that turns purple when it detects urine. Shot through the heart, Cliff Fletcher. And Kyle Wellwood too? Additional shot to the kneecap.


In case you didn’t know, I’m speaking of the day the Toronto Maple Leafs and Darcy Tucker ended their relationship. The day upper management decided to kick the number one man in my life to the curb of the Air Canada Center. I think, “Would it be too dramatic to throw myself off the 4th floor balcony of our Maui condo?”


Okay, lets try and look at this positively here… the Leafs are trying to “rebuild” the mighty empire… okay I see that. But I am having a hard time understanding why these hyenas want to keep pushing out the few players who want to be there. The ones who bleed Blue and White, and I’m only half-joking when I say they’d probably die for this silly team. First showing Mats Sundin the door and asking (begging) him politely to walk out of it, not to mention giving the Montreal freakin’ Canadiens exclusive rights to discussion with “his people”. Slap us fans in the face why don’t you. Then putting Welly on waivers, waivers! Not even shopping for a trade for the dude? Like, please take one of the most promising players in the NHL off our hands, please. And then the real pooch screwer: let’s shell out a butt-load of scrilla to clear a little space on the old S-cap and buy out our best soldier. Burning bridges (theirs), breaking hearts (mine). Call me old-fashioned, whatever. Trading up, cleaning house, refinancing- let’s face it, it’s hockey Armageddon. The end of the world as we Leafs fans knows it. Sure, the Toronto Maple Leafs and I have had some disagreements in the past, as I would expect from any love of my life, but I don’t know how our relationship can survive this disaster. What are you supposed to do when your favorite team and your favorite player go their separate ways? Being the devoted fan that I am, I suppose Darcy Tucker and I could try a long-distance relationship (I mean not actual distance, but you know… emotional distance). A custody battle of my fanhood. All we can do is wait and see, but for now my faith is shattered like a plexi-glass board after a Derek Boogaard hit.


Think I’ll look good in blue and maroon?