Regular Season Wrap Part Deux - And the award goes to...

Monday March 31, 2008 @ 05:19 PM EDT

With the NHL Awards coming up, I’ve decided to stage a few of my own, for the good of bringing back a few things that may have been forgotten this season, on and off the ice. Calder who? Think of it as “The Razzies” of the hockey world. Let’s relive some of what made the regular season a little irregular, shall we? Here’s to you 07-08. Until playoffs…


Don’t Call it a Comeback…. No Really, Don’t
Peter Forsberg, Johnny Come (a little too) Lately
Okay, Mr. Niedermayer and Mr. Selanne showing up for class late was one thing. Not that I wasn’t glad to see Pete back in Colorado, because the small part Av’s fan in me was. But really, Dave Chappelle played out the mysterious hiatus thing, and let’s face it hockey players, you’re not being paid to tell jokes. I believe a professional, big or small time, should show up for camp and be a part of the team from day one. Peter Forsberg has played a whopping seven games so far this season, and what is he going to do if Colorado doesn’t make the playoffs? Should the league start paying players per appearance? Like club DJ’s….


Player You Love To Hate
Sean Avery, Five-Hole A-Hole
The obvious choice, I know. But you secretly are satisfied when he does something completely over-the-top stupid. Well Sean Avery has had plenty of these moments this season and shows absolutely no signs of stopping. He’s broken just about every code out there. Chirp a legendary goalie during warmies? No big deal. Did it ever occur to us that by allowing Sean Avery to pi$s us off when he does something good, like show some decent hockey skills for example, we are letting him win? Ugh…

Not Marty… How dare you


Player You Hate To Love
Andy Wozniewski, The New Rory Fitzpatrick
So you’re season isn’t going the way you wish Leafs fans? Call on The “Woz”. Currently riding a career high 9 points, he continuously kept fans all over hockey-land entertained with his comedic mishaps, like running into his own goaltender, and enjoying some shifts that lasted (arguably) a little too long. Even prompting Steve Ludzik of The Score to drop the S-bomb on cable television, when he tripped over his own net during a game, resulting in a goal by the opposing team. While The Woz hasn’t achieved quite the same D-list (D for Defense, obviously) fame as Rory, he does have several devoted followers (Check out the “Woz Booster Club” group on NHL Connect). Here’s to you Woz, the most loveable player of 07-08… in the words of Steve Ludzik, “Are you sh-tting me Wozniewski?!”

Thanks to The Woz Booster Club for this gem of a photo


Player You Hate To Hate
Chris Simon, Starring in Saw IV
I don’t know Chris Simon very well, but I’m wondering if he watches one too many movies. On December 15th, 2007 Chris took the Happy Gilmore bit of attempting to kill someone with a skate quite literally, and received a world record suspension of 30 games. Beating his previous record of 25 games from March of the same year. Tisk, tisk, that’s not the way to get into the Hockey Hall Of Fame, Chris. His life story plays out like a Scorsese flick. Drama-Rama.

Cheap shots come at a price, Chris Simon


Best Awesomely Bad Facial Hair Mistake
Bryan McCabe, Ew Manchu
The dirty trucker mustache look is okay to rock when you’re a 19 year old junior hockey player trying to have a little fun during playoffs. It’s a good age to experiment if you are lucky enough to have the flow to do some interesting things with your facial hair. Age 33… is not. The ‘stache that Bryan McCabe rocked circa November/December 07, was not one of my favorite looks, and I single-handedly blame that mustache for the lousy play of the Leafs during that time. Although ‘Cabes is one of the biggest beauties in the league and can somewhat get away with this, YOU should not attempt it, no one should. Instead, try a George Parros ‘stache ala John Oates (of Hall and Oates). Now that one is timeless.

Beast on the outside, beauty on the inside


Most Unnecessary Hype
Trade Deadline Day, Flop Dead Gorgeous
Was it just me or did this year’s trade deadline just not merit the satisfaction it usually does? For one thing, the grandest predictions never made it to reality (Sundin even announced his decision the day before the TD). The around-the-clock coverage turned out to be unnecessary and a little silly. Maybe as an American I do not understand the magnitude of Trade Deadline Day (does Hallmark make Happy Trade Deadline Day greeting cards?) Other than Brad Richards to Dallas (bound to happen sooner or later), what really has come of the season since the TD? Looks like we’ll have to count on next season to top the Ryan Smyth trade.

Blockbuster


Most Hype That Actually Delivered
The 2008 Winter Classic, Ahh The Great Outdoors
The 2008 Winter Classic in Buffalo was truly a treat for all hockey fans. I commend the NHL for doing something a little different this season (honorable mention to the Ducks/Kings season opener in England). Nothing like returning hockey to its roots with a good old fashioned pond game. The coverage was great, even the merchandising was not shunned like it usually is (those light blue Penguins jerseys were tight). Other than some game delays for a few more snow-shoveling breaks than usual, it was a success. Please, please do this again next season!

Bringin’ it back to the pond


Welcome To Hollywood
Mike Comrie, Mr. Duff
It seems like every season there is the token hockey player/Hollywood starlet couple. That couple this year was Mike Comrie and Hilary Duff. Now I am a fan of the Duffster (seriously, Lizzie McGuire was the Hannah Montana of my time), so I warmly welcome her to the world of hockey. Don’t let it go to your head though Mike, I know dining at Nobu and buying Mercedes’ like packs of gum is something you can get used to. Welcome to Hollywood Mr. Duff, just keep your head in the game, you’re a more than decent player.

That man-cardigan is FIERCE, Mike


Biggest Fashion Trend
The Brown Paper Bag, The New “Blue”
First seen on fashion-forward Leafs goaltender Andrew Raycroft, who warmed the bench long enough to carve his initials in it (Andrew and Old Benchy became best friends this season after spending some serious quality time together.) The paper bag trend spread quicker than Mono, and soon enough everyone in the ACC was sporting the “embarrassment look”. Which was a nice change from the “I-told-you-so look” that everyone else around the league was rocking by the end of this season.



Use it
New Goal Songs for Everyone, Please
Gary Glitter can’t (and shouldn’t) live on forever. Like every Seattle-ite, I take it upon myself to be a music critic for the rest of the world (we did introduce The Wave and “Who Let The Dogs Out” to the sports world). Might I suggest these infectious, goal-worthy cuts: Glass Danse by The Faint, Club Foot by Kasabian, Horndog by Overseer, Come In Hard by Hardknox, Don’t Cry Out by Shiny Toy Guns.


Lose it
Touch Icing, Bad Touch
I hate to jump on the bandwagon here, but the truth is touch icing needs to be retired. It’s pointless, time consuming and potentially dangerous. I think a lot of people would agree that it would not be missed. Elimination time.

An unintentional touch icing mishap


Who Are You?
Duncan Keith, Duran Durandom
Am I the only one who had never heard of Duncan Keith until this season? Is the joke on me? The guy was an All-Star, and is 5th for plus/minus in the league, yet seems to be flying under the radar (or my radar at least). Do you think he showed up for the All-Star game and they pointed him in the direction of the equipment closet? Like “Oh I thought you worked here..” I have a few theories on why Duncan Keith is random: A)He’s only been around for three years…. Wait a second, he’s been around for three years? 2)He’s a Blackhawk and no one cares, and C) He has two first names and could easily get lost on a roster. Now normally if I were to question someone’s existence I’d creep their Facebook profile and see how many mutual friends we had. Chances are very slim that Duncs and I have any mutual friends, the six degrees of separation don’t apply to invisible phantom people. Maybe he should get publicity tips from Jiri Tlusty..

Oh yeah…. THAT guy


Best Hat Trick Moment
Owen Nolan, Saint Hat-Trick
Scoring on Evgeni Nabokov isn’t easy, but Owen Nolan had a few tricks up the sleeve of his RBK Edge jersey on January 30th, 2008 against San Jose. The 37 year old Irishman delivered a trio of some of the most unique and entertaining goals I’ve seen all year. The first was a backhand shot from an Alex Tanguay feed. The second came short-handed when Nabby attempted to clear the puck, instead passing it right to Nolan who came out of nowhere and shot it right back into the net. The third came off a rebound and Owen buried it in a James Bond-style tumble. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a player so happy to get the Trick, Nolan’s first in nine years… which is a longer time span than some players’ careers. Cheers.

Owen Nolan’s hat trick cellie


Philanthropist Of The Year
Andrew Ference, Looks Good in Green
Andrew started his philanthropic journey back in Junior hockey, winning the league’s Humanitarian Award in 1999. This summer he took it a step further when he went to Africa for the Right To Play organization, which uses sports to help spread well-being to impoverished communities around the world. Andrew is a guy that knows there is a difference between saying you’re going to do something and actually doing it. Inspiring… and rare among athletes these days. Ference is also a big “Go Green” advocate, doing his part to keep the environment in check (pun intended) via NHLPA. He spearheaded the NHLPA Carbon Neutral Challenge which starts by attempting to neutralize CO2 emissions from team traveling and operations. The Boston Bruins D-man continues to be down for the cause, and the movement has picked up many followers throughout the league. What a great example he has set. Now maybe hockey players all over will think about recycling their Kokanee cans from the year-ender, instead of just throwing them in the bathtub. Think globally, act locally.

Good man, that Andrew Ference


The Goal
Rick Nash, Mighty Dekes
First Bobby Orr had “The Goal”, and then it was Alex Ovechkin who scored “The Goal”. This year “The Goal” belonged to a man named Rick Nash. January 17th, 2008 is a day that will live on in infamy. Cue the clip. Nash took a feed on the blue line and brought it all the way home alone, dangling two Phoenix defensemen, and performing about 15 ridiculous dekes along the way. Winning the game, with 25 seconds left on the clock, making jokes of two Phoenix defensemen, and giving everyone watching a heart attack.. all in the same night. You can’t write this kind of stuff.

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